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The last poem I wrote
Was three years ago
When I saw you bent over paper
Pencil in hand
Turning empty space into something,
At that time,
Only you could understand


There was nothing special about that day
The sun wasn't particularly bright
No wind in the trees
Or rippling leaves
Just watching you draw
Stretched on the grass in broad daylight


Funny how that afternoon
Is sketched clearly in my head
Lines shaded in carefully
With enough light and shadow
With the right amount of care and talent


There wasn't anything special about my poem
Looking back on it now
Except that it showed
How I felt about you
In the only way I knew how


Your drawing is tucked away
Kept safe,
Kept close,
Kept dear
And my poem is waiting
Both old and new
The first part of a song
Only you could hear

I've always been told I look young for my age. At 22, I'm often mistaken for 16 or 18. Just yesterday one of my co-teachers ran into me at a bus stop just around the corner from the school where we worked. She had mistaken me for a 12 year old. I usually just smile and shake my head when people tell me I don't look like an adult. Barely legal, my friends would say jokingly, daring me to buy a bottle of wine just to see if the cashier would ask for an ID. They never do since they can hear the entire conversation from the other side of the store.

Though most people consider it a compliment to be told they look young, I'm at a disadvantage because because of my line of work: teaching high school students. Most of them tower over me or, worse, sound more grown-up than I do. When I was about to start student teaching, I looked into my closet. Clothes, check. A quick look at the shoe rack yielded a less than satisfactory answer: I had nothing remotely teacher-like to walk, run, and chase after my students in. My mom agreed; a miracle since we rarely see eye to eye. So it was off to the shoe store a few days shy of teaching with one goal: to look for a pair that would make me finally look like an adult.

It was a long afternoon of walking up and down the aisles and dodging my mom just in case she protested the moment she saw the pairs I was considering... which she did, in true I'm-Your-Mother fashion. And so it went until I found a pair she couldn't talk me out of: my very first "adult" shoes, black with a shiny buckle and toes so pointy I could do damage to people in my way. Just the thing that would balance my sunny personality.

Wearing them immediately made me feel grown up. They were a huge jump from my usual slippers & jeans combo since I paired them with slim black skirts and crisp white blouses. I went from looking like a little girl to a very capable teacher. As much as I would insist that appearances don't really count for much, walking up and down the halls in those shoes made me feel more confident.

My students weren't used to their student teachers wearing formal outfits so there were days when I just threw on a blouse and jeans. But the shoes were the one constant in my wardrobe. They made an impact because my students knew when I was coming due to the tough clicking sound they made when they hit the floor. The impact became clear when they would tell me I was one of the best student teachers they had... and I consider them the best class I taught. That's another constant, one that won't change.

Now, I'm done with student teaching and I was very sorry to go. But one thing I brought along with me, along with everything I learned from my students who taught me more than I could ever hope to teach them, were my grown-up shoes. I keep them under my desk in the school where I now teach in and click my way to class. They're still getting used to the new environment, as am I. But I'm sure it will all work out. With them, I feel more than grown up :)

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As I near the end of my practicum in UPIS, I find it hard to believe that it’s been 3 months since I started teaching there. Everything seems to have just sped by: lesson planning, consultations with fellow teachers and students, various projects and activities and becoming more and more involved in UPIS life. It’s hard to imagine myself leaving. And leaving soon. I try not to think about it yet, choosing instead to enjoy the remaining time I have with everyone. The coming Periodic Exams make me feel that surely, I would be around for the next two ones… even though I know that I only have this quarter left to teach them. I have come to love both classes entrusted to me by my Cooperating Teacher, Ma’am Lourdes Vargas, and her too. Even though there are times when I sigh and wish certain students would do better, I must admit that as a class, I couldn’t ask for more from them and neither could I wish for a better Cooperating Teacher. What I find myself wishing for is more time with them. One semester isn’t enough, no matter how much I learned from them all. I know there is more to learn, of course. And a part of me wants to continue learning here.

I had been told to expect the worst from practicum, given the workload and the way students used to being passed from practicumer to practicumer sometimes contrive to make their lives miserable. Instead, I ended up having the best time in UPIS. This is why I find it hard to think of a low moment during my stay here. Even if my day seems to be not-so-good, it easily becomes okay for one reason or another. Maybe it’s because of the people I work with. The CA-EMA Department in UPIS is full of teachers who have much to share, be it teaching tips, their own experiences with the students and just about everything under the sun, outrageous stories and, happily, food ☺ And then there are my students. I handle 2 Grade 8 classes: 8-Butterfly and 8-Firefly. The former I’ve handled since the 1st quarter and the latter only this 2nd quarter. Both classes can, on any given day, make things interesting. Even when there are students who could be a handful and I end up giving a lecture on manners, the same students could get a laugh out of me on stressful days, making me grateful for their sense of humor.

Because of my place in UPIS, I can’t find a single low point. A low point for me would be a time when I really wanted to give up teaching. I never really got to that, thankfully. This is probably because, as observed by my Cooperating Teacher, I am infinitely patient with my students. It doesn’t mean I don’t get angry with them. I have, on quite a few occasions, been hard on them for not behaving properly. But my annoyance could only last so long before we all go back to normal. I could only think of one incident when I was really angry with my class. 8-Butterfly was doing a Home Reading Requirement Activity, their last for the quarter. For some reason, they were overly excited that day and paid little or no attention to directions and reminders. The activity had been designed to synthesize the novel they read for the 1st quarter and to give their grades a needed boost. Their inattention annoyed me but I told myself these kids usually pull through when they need to so I let them continue the group activity while going around to remind them to do their work and of the time left. This didn’t really help because when the time to report came, most of the groups didn’t bother to settle down and listen to the reporter. If there is one thing that annoys me more than students not paying attention to me is when they ignore a classmate who volunteered to share information with the class. If the activity were an important part of the lesson, I would have pushed through with it. But since it was only a supplement, a bonus of sorts, and since they were showing me it was a bonus they didn’t deserve because of their behavior, I put a stop to the report and explained how, if they had cooperated, it would have helped them raise their grades. I wasn’t just firm in explaining it, I was angry. But I didn’t shout at them since I make it a point to treat them as grown-ups and not kids. I let them understand the consequence of their actions while the class sat unmoving in their seats, quiet for the first time since the beginning of the lesson. I collected whatever outputs they had and dismissed them. Whenever they saw me after that, they would ask if I’m still mad at them. That went on for a few days, even though the class went back to normal, albeit they became a better-behaved group after the incident. I was pleased with the result and with their conscious effort to do better and to behave well. In fact, it paved the way for a smooth opening of the 2nd quarter and, as a result, I couldn’t really consider the incident a low point.

As for my highest point in UPIS, there are so many I could think of. Each day brings a new and, for me, exciting event. Even if it’s just an ordinary class with my 2 sections, I enjoy myself immensely. Like any high school class, they are full of energetic, mischievous students who, more often than not, just need a topic interesting enough to motivate them. Finding these topics is a challenge I enjoy and teaching Butterfly and Firefly has given me every reason to continue teaching and motivating students. It warms my heart to see their enthusiasm for activities and to note the improvements in their performance since the start of the year. I have 2 students in one class who failed during the 1st quarter. The teachers in CA-EMA agree that they aren’t very bright. Hearing that made me determined to see how I could urge them to do well. My first idea was to introduce material they would find interesting to supplement the required readings in class. Giving them more action-packed reading selections for grammar caught their interest and encouraging them to do better yielded very good results. They may not be at the top of their class but they are doing much better and it makes me smile just to think of how much they’ve improved.

I also consider it a high point whenever I see my students participating enthusiastically or when they open up to me about other aspects of their life. In the same way a class could let their teacher feel they hate him or her, both my classes make me feel both welcome and very much a part of them. Even when the quiz I give them is difficult, they groan and say I’m not being fair but they do it with a grin. They also make me feel very appreciated because they always come to me when they need advice or help with something, whether it’s English or something they have to prepare for or even something that troubles them. It is my job to motivate my students and, in return, they do a great job of motivating me.

As if that wasn’t enough, I enjoy myself very much in CA-EMA. Even though it is, in some ways, lonely to be the only Student Teacher there, it gave me a chance to feel like one of the faculty because, just as I treat my students like grownups, they treat me like a real teacher who also has a lot to share with the classes I handle. They also involve me in whatever’s happening at the department or the school. Even though I’m just one of the many Student Teachers they’ll have, they made me feel very much a part of the department. CA-EMA is more of a family than a department and just about everyone, no matter how mature they may seem, how well they do their work or how high their position is in UPIS, is young at heart. This is probably why just about every Student Teacher who passed through CA-EMA claims to have enjoyed their stay there. I am no exception.

This is just a reminder for the people who haven't passed this homework for the 1st quarter. Pass it on Tuesday so I could give you a grade and raise your score just a little higher. Also, if you haven't passed any of the following, please give them to me on Tuesday:

* bluebook
* grammar module
* any seatwork/homework you weren't able to pass before
* formal theme
* update on whether or not you took your makeup quiz already

That's all for now. If you have any questions, just post it here. Good luck Butterfly & Firefly! :D

Despite a fever and the inevitable weight of practicum, I must say I'm very happy about a lot of things... most of them related to the fact that I'm happy with Japs. June 22 was his birthday and we have a lot to be thankful for. Not that we celebrated all day and all night (unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of time or a big budget) but we managed to celebrate the way we wanted to: with each other. Spending time with other people was great, and we loved the fact that even after a day of doing org stuff, we still had time for our "protocol" when going home:

★ walk around the Acad Oval, dinner & "drinks" at our favorite isaw place in SC
★ waiting for a Katipunan jeep where we cuddle and unintentionally ignore the people motioning for us to pass their fare to the driver...
★ ...then walking all the way to the other side of the Katipunan flyover to catch a jeep to Antipolo where we try not to elbow fellow passengers since he keeps tickling me and I keep squirming in my seat
★ there's also that feeling when our faces are so close together and the most natural thing is to move just a tiny bit closer

That's what I love most about going home with Japs. I know I'm safe as long as his arms are around me. And I know he's happy as long as he's with me.

*Happy birthday hero... I guarantee you, it could only get better every year ♥

Spur of the moment stuff usually makes the top of my "unforgettable" list... and now that definitely includes our wakeboarding in Calatagan trip. Exhausted and happy on our way back, Manila feels so far away at the moment :)

It's raining like anything outside. On nights like this, I would rather snuggle into bed, wrapped up in the thickest blanket I could find and either sleeping or reading. But tonight, I'm in the mood for neither despite a splitting headache. What I find soothing, oddly enough, is something I haven't done for quite a while: writing. As of the moment, 3 things interest/concern me. Some people might find it trivial since all 3 are personal matters... but I think writing about them would help me gain some perspective. Or at least while away the time on a rainy Saturday evening

1) I am an aunt. A real, my-older-brother-now-has-a-baby-boy aunt instead of always playing with my cousins' babies. Our little guy is named James Anthony after his grandfathers (which probably explained why daddy didn't grumble as much when he had to drive around Antipolo 3 times the day the baby was born) and though he's tiny, he's got a mighty roar. Chubby-cheeked and absolutely adorable, he already has us wrapped around his little finger. It's pathetic, really, the way we fuss over him, take pictures and videos and come up with all sorts of reasons to buy baby stuff he'll look even more adorable in. Excuses, excuses

2) It's back to school for me in 10 days, thanks to extension of registration in UP (take a bow, daily downpour and CRS) and the DOH advisory on A(H1N1) that asked schools to move the opening of classes at least a week. After just 2 days of enrollment and battling the rain, my parents refused to let me go out without "proper transportation" lest I catch whatever virus the wind blows my way. Needless to say, I'm not the healthiest person in the world and now, more than ever, that worries me. Practicum is just around the corner and if the rain doesn't let up soon, the English Department of UPIS is going to have one very sick student teacher. Possibly their only student teacher *shudders* Scary thought. On a lighter note, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. There's something about buying new school supplies, pens full of ink, the rustling of notebook paper and bags that are comfortably heavy when you swing them onto your shoulders. I'm excited and nervous and challenged to do my best. My 4 years in UP should have prepared me for this, should being the operative word. This semester, my last semester, I get to find out.

3) Speaking of last, the last thing on my mind (probably also one of the things that hang around so long in there it has its own zip code) is Japs. We won't be spending as much time together anymore since he'll be working and I'll be teaching/studying. A typical day for Japs would be: start of shift at 2am, ending at 11am, post-shift, then travel all the way home and fall into bed around 2pm, wake up anytime after 8pm and get ready for work. My day would start at 7am and *cross fingers* end at 6pm, after which I will either have dinner at school with friends or go straight home to work on my lesson plans and visual aids. Sure, we text and talk on the phone and we have Mondays and probably Tuesdays too... but it just isn't the same. I know I shouldn't dwell on the things that would make me sad and most of the time I don't. We're doing our best to make it work and it does because we're both doing something we feel we could excel in and we support each other just as much as we love each other. I'm really proud of what he's accomplished and how much he's grown since we both started out. But well, it's just that... I miss him. Our 18th monthsary is coming up and so is his birthday (wait and see!) so there's a lot to look forward to. Not only will we find time to celebrate, we'll make more of an effort to take care of each other even when we're apart. Right now it's raining and he's probably on his way to work. He knows I'm always worrying if he's okay... and I know he misses having me with him before his shift starts, just hanging out, singing and laughing during dinner; during breaks when we share a cup of coffee or a quick bite of chocolate then run around trying to tackle each other or just put our arms around each other, not minding the wide smiles on security's faces or our teams' teasing; and during the long commute home when it's his turn to sleep with his head on my shoulder, always holding me just a little tighter when I gently shake him awake and making me wish I didn't have to wake him so soon. Even then, Japs makes me feel safe.

Jury's still out on whether writing this all down is helping or not but it does make me feel better somehow. As if just seeing it all in black and white makes it easier to deal with, probably because I was able to put it all into words instead of just leaving it all up in the air. Whatever the explanation is, I'm sure I'll find out just as soon as I figure out what to do about it all

Well, goodbye for now. After a month of sleepless nights, I get to enjoy the rest of my summer at home. One would think I'd be devastated at having to leave this soon... or being terminated before the summer's up. But nope, optimist that I am, I can't help but shrug it off and look forward to the coming academic year with a smile

Just a quick summary of what I did the past 5 weeks I was here:

Week 1 - Foundations Training: Spent a week learning how to talk, what we were allowed to say and what we should never, under any circumstances, even whisper over the phone when making calls. Pretty much spent it fooling around with 40+ people who were hyper enough to chase each other around the training room, dance whenever our trainers put on music, and do our very best to get out of the Hall of Shame. Of course, there were quizzes and exams and assessments but we pretty much sailed through them. Very enjoyable

Week 2 - Product Training: Another unforgettable week. Had to sing in front of the class several times a day because I was a minute or two late coming in from break. So was Japs. Most memorable performance was Barbara Streisand and Bryan Adams' duet Finally Found Someone. Japs was dying to be Barbara while I struggled to make my voice as hoarse as Bryan Adams' (couldn't quite do it, though) Ended the week with our certification, which I passed with flying colors. Moved to Manulife because of said flying colors. Moved around quite a bit Saturday morning too to accommodate our trainer's and the team's, um, thirst. Very mind-numbing but thoroughly enjoyable Saturday

Week 3 - Product Training II: Product training again. Not as bad as it sounds since we got to have longer breaks and less pages to study. A smaller class size didn't bring down the noise level, though. I would have to say that my favorite part of working would always be product training. Even though we have a lot to cram into our heads, we were still in petiks mode. Happy happy

Week 4 - Academy Bay: Taking calls isn't as easy as I thought it would be but it was kind of fun. Kind of. The sad part about my A Bay was that I didn't make any sales. The ones I almost made were disconnected, but that's okay. The way things are going, Japs will make it big in sales and I get to reap the rewards *clap clap* but they don't have night differential so I'm sorry I won't be around to give him a quick massage or back rub when he gets tense or cradle his head on my shoulder on the way home because he's so tired. Wait. This can wait until later. So we (Renzie, Cha and I have our own and shared issues over this, of course) were basically booted out of Manulife and given back to Sears. I thought, since we were already certified, we would go straight to production. But...

Week 5 - Academy Bay II: We had to go through a Sears refresher and a 3-day A Bay instead of the usual 5. Honestly, I found this more than a little unfair because we would have less chances to make sales. Add the fact that we were only given 4 or 5 hours to dial instead of 8, the hours were most calls were only reschedules and that the leads we got were freaking ancient (not to mention the customers were growing increasingly irate) and it was a surefire way to get terminated. But 2 of us were lucky enough to get 1 sale and stay in the program. I'm really happy for them and I know they'll do really well. I'm also happy for myself because now this means I can study during the 1st semester. Practicum, here I come!

Okay, after everything, I don't regret applying and working at NCO despite the unsatisfactory end of my summer job. What really made me happy were the people I worked with. I came to appreciate my wavemates, even after we were all separated into different accounts. I especially loved our trainers. To Cricket and Rev, you guys are the best. I promise to come around for future unwinding sessions and to drop in every now and then

The only thing that makes me really sad is not being able to work with Japs anymore. I really loved working in the same place he does and I can say I was very happy here with him. Now, we're going to have to find a way to work it all out. He'll be working here and I'll be teaching. I'm going to miss hugging him the minute I arrive (he always comes to work before I do) and resting my head against his chest when I have a headache or when I'm sleepy. I'll miss him pulling me into 7 Eleven for a pre-shift meal. He pays, I prepare and we sit outside The Sandwich Guy and bite into our Spicy Chili con Carne smothered hotdogs. I'll miss him looking for me right after he makes a sale, chocolate prize in hand, and eager to give it to me. Most of all, I'll miss knowing he's just a few feet or a couple of floors away and I can see him anytime I want to

Well, no use getting sentimental. I'm pretty much satisfied with life at the moment (well, maybe except for the 30-45 day wait for my last pay cheque) and I plan to make the most of it... The most of Japs' and my quality time, the most of the time I get to spend with my family, and the most of the opportunities I'm going to take because of recent events.

Yup, life is good. At the moment, anyway. But, with any luck, I'm going to keep it that way

It was raining real hard the other day (thanks to a typhoon that blew this way). Unfortunately, the other day was also Business Casual Day at work. Even more unfortunate was the fact that the only outfit I had that remotely resembled Business Casual were white pants. Imagine commuting. During a typhoon. In white pants. WHITE. Keeping myself spatter-free was Mission Almost Impossible. Keeping myself from getting damp and dirty was most definitely a challenge.

But I somehow managed it... somehow meaning I did my best to stay underneath my umbrella (I'm probably one of the few people who manage to get wet even with an umbrella over my head) and get to work reasonably dry. Though the weather definitely didn't cooperate, public transportation sort of did (with the exception of the first vehicle I rode, which died out on me and the driver on the side of the road) and I stepped into the lobby looking only half-drowned.

Of course, the office is the only place (with the exception of practicum next sem and Formal Interviews and demo teachings) where I have to dress like a respectable, working adult. This is usually solved by slipping into a pair of heels and something that is neither frayed nor worn. Since I have to do this thrice a week, I discovered that wearing heels is no longer such a hardship (unless my officemates make me walk from The Fort to Guadalupe when I don't have extra slippers with me) provided I whip them off every now and then.

After signing my name at the 6th floor desk, I went back down to the ground floor to look for Japs. He usually hangs out at the 7 Eleven downstairs, just chilling until the shift starts. He could be usually found singing (not always softly) along with what's playing on the ipod and generally relaxing before getting down to business. I must say, even a typhoon can't wipe the smile off my face when I see Japs look in my direction. I walked over, careful not to trip, and sat down next to him with my elbows on the table and my chin in my hands. He moved just that much closer and made the very thought of coming to work in white pants during a typhoon oh so very worth it:

"Ang ganda mo."

Okay, so the entire point of this entry is how those three little words (in addition to the three little words he tells me everyday) made me feel all warm and tingly despite the weather. It was probably because only Japs could call me beautiful when most people would be asking me "Mahangin ba sa labas?" Or maybe he just has a thing for the windswept, recently drowned look. Whatever it is, I'm happy. He makes me happy.

I can't really ask for more than that ♥